Good Things Come...

I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God. Psalm 38:15

So, a few weeks ago our pastor read from Genesis chapter 40 about Joseph's extended period in captivity. He related it to the number 40 and the role that number plays in the bible as a "season of probation" (ie: how many days Jesus was tempted in the wild, how many days it rained during the great flood, how many years Israel wandered in the desert, etc). This Ch 40 time was to be a productive period of tempering patience, and of readying and molding the person into a person of God.

He said at different times during our life we go through these chapter 40's, where our high expectations intersect with our lesser realities and thus, frustration blooms. He said that our frustration often cries out, "Don't wait on God!" So our doubting, fearful selves start taking short cuts instead of waiting on Him. And these knee-jerk reactions often veer us off the correct path, the detour causing further delay. Nancy DeMoss agrees: "Those who insist on having their own way often end up with unnecessary heartache, while those who wait on the LORD always get His best."

So, God calls us to be patient and wait on Him. But it's so hard to do! To wait on God. Because from my point of view, all I can see is this ticking secondhand quickly counting down on my dream clock. And admitting that perhaps God's plan for my life might not parallel my own? Well, somedays I can't even entertain the notion that might be true. It's enough to make me want to drink a 40!

Our pastor encouraged us to pray: "God, give me the courage to stay with you in my head, and in my heart, and where you have me until you bring me out." What a voice for the feelings I've been unable to express! But in practice, a little easier said than done.

Tonight I invited a friend to meet me for coffee. I asked her because I was feeling frustrated with my life. I knew she was feeling the same way and as misery loves company, I wanted to immerse myself in a pool of peers stuck in a similar holding pattern. But she had the nerve to show up with good news! She met a guy, gone on a few dates, had some great God experiences, felt positive about her future career - so much for birds of a feather! I wanted to kick her in the shins, grab her joy and run. Instead I listened to her giddy talk with a plastic smile on my face, trying to look sincerely happy for her.

Maybe this bitter reaction is evidence why I am still stuck in chapter 40 and she's moved on to chapter 41.