Loving God

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" You face, LORD, I will seek. Psalm 27:8

So, Tommy Tenney writes in his book The God Chasers: "There's a driving passion in my heart that whispers to me that there's more than what I already know, more than what I already have. It makes me jealous of John, who wrote Revelation. It makes me envious of people who get glimpses out of this world into that world and see things that I only dream about. I know there's more. One reason I know there's more is because of those who have encountered the "more" and were never the same. God chasers! My prayer is, I want to see You like John saw You!"

And so I guess this is what I've been trying to verbalize. This MORE. Now I've been warned that in seeking more of God, one might wander off course a bit and start seeking the manifestations of God instead of God Himself. And I guess I sort of understand the danger of this. But at the same time, that idea leaves me wondering. I guess I suspect the catalyst of my love for God to be the personal experiences I've had with Him. And so I struggle with how to integrate these dichotomous ideas, to seek God and seek intimacy with Him without seeking the "signs and wonders" often found amidst personal experience with God.

Unlike God, who loves us perfectly, unconditionally and needlessly, our human love is an imperfect love, based on need and condition. St. Bernard of Clairvaux, in his book On Loving God, describes our love as: "Not given gratuitously, but in payment of a debt." In other words, not freely given, but given with condition. He continues on, "Whatever you seem to love because of something else, you do not really love. True love merits its reward, it does not seek it." In other words, love of God is the goal, not the means.

So, it boils down to the fact that God loves (period), while we love (because). Our love always has a reason. We love people because of what they do, who they are, or in response to their actions; while God just loves, for He is love and that is what He does.

If this is true, and since we aren't divine and therefore incapable of perfect love, don't we need a reason to love? It seems to me that these personal experiences with God act as our motivation. Without sensory, tangible, emotional or spiritual experiences with God, how else can our imperfect love be activated? Is it impossible to love God without these? Or at least a history of them to fall back on? Shouldn't we seek these experiences to grow closer to God? Shouldn't we seek this MORE, as Shane Barnard sings in his song, Be Near?: "[It's] beautiful and wonderful to trust in grace through faith, but i'm asking to taste. Your fullness is mine, revelation divine. But oh to taste, to know much more than a page, to feel your embrace..."

St. John of the Cross, in his book Dark Night of the Soul counters my theory: "The soul, at times, will begin to feel a certain yearning for God. The more this intensifies, the closer the soul is drawn to God, beginning to burn brightly in love for him. She does not know or understand where such love and longing comes from…Eventually [the soul] finds herself madly in love, without knowing why." Later St. John goes on to explain that this happens because God enkindles this love within us and that divine love is ignited within our spirit.

So, perhaps we don't need our own reasons to love. Perhaps God provides this love spark too. And so maybe these amazing experiences aren't necessary, but just icing on the cake. Hmmm....