Floating

Calm thyself, O my soul, so that the divine can act in thee! Calm thyself, O my soul, so that God is able to repose in thee, so that His peace may cover thee! Soren Kierkegaard

Soren, have you been reading my diary?

So, I don't deal well with change and there is a lot of change on the horizon. And oh my, how lost I can get in the maze of my own thoughts!

Proverbs 3:23-6 says, "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared."

It says nothing about lying down to fitful sleep, perchance to dream, of money issues and time management problems and "What on earth am I going to wear tomorrow since I haven't done the laundry in a gazillion years?"

Psalm 94:19 says, "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul."

It says nothing of the pseudo-consolation I find in obsessively biting my frazzled fingernails or the satisfaction I find in hankering down with a life-numbing high carbohydrate snack. Yet I do all these things and more when I am seeking to self-console and comfort and calm.

I truly believe that God is good. All the time. I really do! So why do I stress and worry? Why can't I just "let go and let God"?

Thomas Green compares our Christian life with floating in water:"It is puzzling to see what a difficult art floating really is – difficult not because it demands much skill but because it demands much letting go. The secret of floating is in learning not to do all the things we instinctively want to do. We want to keep ourselves rigid, ready to save ourselves the moment a big wave comes along – and yet the more rigid we are the more likely we are to be swamped by the waves; if we relax in the water we can be carried up and down by the rolling sea and never be swamped. To learn to float, it seems, is essentially to learn to trust."

This is the best analogy I’ve ever heard for walking with God. The more we try to keep control and prevent disaster, the more we flail around in danger of drowning. Praising God (just this once) for the density of body fat, I never had a problem floating. It was the only athletic venture I conquered faster than my brother - the stringbean who sunk to the bottom of the pool. But during our childhood swim lessons, I watched him struggle. He would thrash around the deep end, tears streaming down his cheeks in anguish, panicked and clawing at the leader as if she might just leave him there to drown. It was only when he learned to calm down, stop striving, and trust in the teacher that was he able to lean his head back into the water and float.

I know a similar surrender and self-abandonment is what I need. I've been trying. I do trust God. But the way I live my life doesn't reflect that, because quite often I find myself floundering about, trying to act as my own life preserver and doggie paddling in circles til I'm exhausted and gasping for breath.

Calm thyself, O my soul. God, cover me in Your peace. Help me to trust you. Completely.